I don’t want to be like my mother-in-law (Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt)


“This post is part of SoCS: (The Friday Reminder and Prompt for SoCS April 5/14)”  The prompt is ‘do’ or ‘don’t.’ Write about any subject at all, but make it about something you feel strongly about doing or avoiding; whether it’s yourself or others, it doesn’t matter. NO editing, just Stream of Consciousness writing . . .

My daughter & her husband are having problems – major problems. He has been texting an older woman for over 9 months now. My daughter has caught him several times. They discuss it & he says he won’t do it anymore, or she’s just a friend & things like my daughter wouldn’t be worried about it if her self-esteem wasn’t so poor. My daughter has gained a bit of weight since having their 2 children, 4 & 2. I know her heart is breaking. I know deep down, she blames herself a little. I know he is a complete ass, selfish as the day is long. Not a loyal bone in his body.

This isn’t the 1st girl he has had this kind of relationship with. Who knows if they meet – a few of the texts/instant messages seemed more than suggestive as if he had already been unfaithful. Today was their 5th wedding anniversary & from what I know there was no celebration. That happened to me last year & it is a hurt that never is forgotten.

Right now I am so disappointed in him. Two weekends ago, he went out with friends, the woman included, without his wedding ring, telling my daughter he did not know if he wanted to be married to her anymore. That night a pic was posted on FB of him & his friends – I was so incensed I posted the nastiest post I have posted publicly in my life – told him he was a prick & he made me sick & he should be so proud of what a great husband and father he was, cause my husband sure was. I deleted it a few hours later, but hope he saw it. I don’t want to be like my mother-in-law.

Last summer, my husband of 35 years & I split up for awhile – he left. He told his mom all kinds of things & all of a sudden though I had been her lifeline in this family, she completely cut me out of her life, quit talking to me, took my name off of everything & made every effort to cause as much trouble between my husband & I as she could. I f we appeared to be working things out, she would throw a stick in our spokes, and each time the stick got bigger.

I am not a judgmental person like that & give people several opportunities to screw me over before I cut them out. BUT, right now I feel like I hate him – I definitely despise him. I think he is doing my daughter & his children wrong. I think they deserve better, & I know they do. I think he is a fly-by night, fleeting moth to a new flame – he needs the validation as his self-esteem is what is lacking. I think he is a selfish little bastard & my daughter should leave him and get on with her life. I truly think he will continue this behavior – when he is done with this woman he will move on to another.

My daughter has said the very same thing, but I am trying hard not to say much – except to listen to her own heart & head and think down the road & how she really wants to live her life. . I do not want to be in her ear, she needs to reconcile her heart with her head and decide what kind of life she wants & I can’t be the catalyst. I can’t be blamed for what might have been had I not gotten involved. I also can’t hold a grudge if they manage to work it out, as he is part of our family. This might be hard, as infidelity is the one line my husband and I have never crossed & wouldn’t be able to forgive.

Really, I just wish I could fix it. I wish I could take my child’s pain away. I wish I could take these devastating memories out of her mind. I wish I could turn back the clock, and prevent this behavior from ever starting. I wish so many things. I wish I could keep from crying about it, but right now I can’t. But the one thing I don’t want to do, is be like my mother-in-law.

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The Blizzard of Life


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Life is like a raging blizzard

Oh so blinding and frigidly cold

There’s a hint of warmth in the noonday sun

Yet the coldness beckons and becomes more bold

 

My mind is heavy like the treetops

Heavy laden with ice and snow

My soul is withered like the foliage

That has died or ceased to grow

 

My heart is breaking like the rock

That splits apart from eroding ice

At times it feels like things are hopeless

But my thread of faith must suffice

 

Spreading its warmth to melt the snow

At some point, the sun will win

And like the seasons, my mood will change

Till the melancholy winter comes ’round again

 

©2014

Saw It Coming


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Nothing like being blind-sided

Especially when I saw it coming

Could sense something in the cosmos

Now I see myself running

 

Thought I could fix it

Hoped it was gone

But when it slaps me in the face

I know I was wrong

 

Gotta change my situation

Find some peace and faith in my soul

Need to get my head right

Not sure whats coming down the road

 

©2014

Right Now . . .


I have been around the block a time or two. I am definitely a bit cynical. Having said that, I appreciate every little moment for what it is, a moment of sharing, learning or enjoying the moment. I am one of those people that like to get it all out on table; I don’t like holding much back, though I know some things may be better left unsaid. This can be problematic . . . but I am always thinking about what I do not want to leave unsaid. Though it may be better, there are a few things I may not want to take to my grave.

So often, people see things in us that we never see in ourselves. This is when other people’s opinions matter – or they should. I have been fortunate in my lifetime to have a few people see things in me that I would’ve never seen in myself, or even imagined would pertain to me. People who have actually been touched by me, in ways I may never know or understand.

While being a heavy burden, this is also intoxicatingly and passionately stimulating. This is when we realize, no one is an island, and we all touch others in ways we never imagine, intend, or suspect. This is why there is such a concept as responsibility to society or others in general. The web we walk, and legacy we leave, are often unseen, if not specifically sought out.

There’s an old saying that there is someone out there that loves you right now that you are most probably unaware of. I agree with this sentiment 100%. I think this applies to everybody, whether you believe it or not.     ~~

I Notice Her Curves


I get out of the shower and walk into the bedroom. She’s lying on the bed, on her side, wearing nothing but her wedding ring. This particular position grants me the privilege to see the curvature of her body well. Though we have been together for decades, I am never oblivious to how curvaceous she is. Though I know she wishes she was a few pounds lighter, regardless of the twenty pounds she may fluctuate, I love the curves of her body, as there are many.

No one could ever mistake her for anything less than the voluptuous woman she is. There is nothing straight or flat about her. She has curves that a man’s hands could run across and down, and explore, for hours on end. Her skin is soft, smooth and velvety. She has a dimple in each shoulder and each butt cheek. Sometimes her belly is fairly flat, sometimes rounded – neither matters to me, as her belly button in the middle of her womanness is so perfectly shaped and deep – I can get lost in that all alone.

The small of her back and waist has just the right curvature in before exploding onto the slopes and curves of her ass and hips. Her ass is round and soft and more than fills my hands. Her legs are feminine, but muscular not skinny or bony, suggesting stamina. I always think of cheerleaders when I look at her legs, though she was never one. Her breasts are real and command to gravity – having said that they still sit quite firm and high for a woman of her age and experience. They are soft and fall perfectly when she sits erect. There are 20-year olds who don’t have as nice a set.

If I didn’t know her age, I would never be able to guess it in the dark – as her fine wrinkles are only visible in the brightest of lights. God has blessed her in ways she doesn’t even understand – but I do. I understand . . . I notice when she is dressing or undressing . . . I notice when she is walking towards me or away from me . . . I notice when she is asleep and I am awake enthralled looking at her.

Deja Vu


 

He was the shy boy across the street

She’s wasn’t exactly the girl next door

His parents tried to warn him away

He knew he’d never felt this way before

 

Lying together in bed for hours on end

Sharing their feelings and life stories

Discussing their dreams, desires and sins

Their bodies fitting  perfectly exploring their glories

 

They got their own place

As soul mates started their lives

It all seemed so right

Till they began burying  knives

[in each other’s backs]

 

Deja Vu  . . . They’ve been here before

Deja Vu   . . . The view seems so clear

Deja Vu   . . . They know the score

Deja Vu   . . . Love fights the fear

 

They grew up together

They endured and grew through the pains

The world was their oyster

Till they noticed the stains

 

Decades had passed, fine lines evident

Yet they still looked the same, in each other’s eyes

But they were neglectful, holding grudges

And soon learned what complacency buys

 

Deja Vu  . . . They’ve been here before

Deja Vu   . . . The view seems so clear

Deja Vu   . . . They know the score

Deja Vu   . . . Love fights the fear

 

Soon the contempt crept in

Causing cracks in their bond

They tried several times to go it alone

But the love and desire just wasn’t gone

 

As time marched on, he knew he’d  misjudged missing her

Even apart, they shared each other’s bodies and bed

But then after he’d leave, often wishing he’d stayed

This just fucked with her heart and her head

[and it hurt]

 

Deja Vu  . . . They’ve been here before

Deja Vu   . . . The view seems so clear

Deja Vu   . . . They know the score

Deja Vu   . . . Love fights the fear

 

They got back together, though he took his time

Many promises made, she meant them this time

Boundaries were set, expectations revealed

This time it would work – tough times were behind

 

Life continued to challenge them in ways never expected

They tried to stay strong as confidence and faith wavered

Expectations forgotten, many promises broken

Though they’re holding on, praying love remains savored

 

Deja Vu  . . . They’ve been here before

Deja Vu   . . . The view seems so clear

Deja Vu   . . . They know the score

Deja Vu   . . . Love fights the fear

©2014

Balancing Act


I am the thinker –

You are the dreamer.

Shall I perchance to dream?

No, I’m too busy thinking.

Shall you perchance to think?

No, you’re too busy dreaming.

We used to be the perfect pair –

Totally balanced out.

Now the scales have tipped –

Equilibrium washed out.

Have I lost my dream?

Have you lost your thought?

Have we lost our way?

I’d like to think not.

©2014 

Hard To Trust 100%


I’m looking to the future

But I have to admit,

I tend to turnaround & peer

At the past just a bit.

 

Hard to trust 100%

Hard to trust 100%

That’s just the way it is.

 

I’m looking to the future

And as I prepare to receive,

I can’t help but wonder what

The good Lord has in store for me.

 

Hard to trust 100%

Hard to trust 100%

That’s just the way it is.

 

I want to move on,

Move on past the pain.

My heart’s a willing partner,

Not so easy for my brain.

 

So I stand on guard –

To some extent, but I’m

Ready to leave the past,

See what’s in store ahead.

 

Hard to trust 100%

Hard to trust 100%

That’s just the way it is.

 

I’m looking to the future

But I have to admit,

Can’t help but look over my shoulder

At the past just a bit.

 

But I’m not frozen in my tracks,

Petrified to move – I smile,

I laugh, I open my heart, my mind

I just hold back a little bit.

 

Hard to trust 100%

Hard to trust 100%

That’s just the way it is.

©2014 

© ~ Sadie ~ and Windchimes and Dreamcatchers, 2013-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to ~ Sadie ~ and Windchimes and Dreamcatchers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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