Write Naked People!!

write_naked

This is a little piece from my NaNoWriMo. One of my blog buds requested I post a little something – you know who you are, so you better give me some feedback!  The rest of you, please let me know what you think . . . ’cause there’s 50,000 words involved by the end 😉  I’ve been writing about Lyla for awhile – she wants to live in my words. There’s several stories involving her on here. Let me know if you’d like me to share anymore, maybe I’ll pick a racier piece. AND YES my title is deceiving in a way – just wanted to remind y’all that it’s okay to write naked – sometimes it’s even more inspiring LOL! Seriously 😉 I, on the other hand, am wearing the t-shirt I have that says Write Naked. 

Stacy picked Lyla up and they went to a nearby Mexican restaurant, where Lyla ordered her usual jumbo Patron margarita.  Stacy insisted she order some lunch since she had not eaten, and because she looked thin – she had lost at least 15 pounds in the last couple months. She started telling Stacy what had just happened, during which she started to cry right there at their table. They had a good talk about keeping busy, and Stacy reminded her that she needed to start doing things that she enjoyed.

After getting some food in her belly, and over half that margarita, she began to feel a little better. Stacy was right, she needed to do some things she enjoyed, like reading. She had several good books she could get lost in, and she planned to start one tonight once she got home. “The Astronauts’ Wives Club” was waiting for her on her nightstand – she had downloaded it to her e-reader a month or so back. Now that she was feeling semi-human again, Stacy paid the bill and dropped her back at the house.

Lyla, buzzed pretty good now, picked out some music, and turned on the pinball machine. She wanted to hit some balls. She had played several games, and had been dancing around the house to 7 Mary 3, feeling really good, when the phone rang. She didn’t recognize the number, but now in a laid back mood, decided to answer anyway.

“Hey baby! How the heck are you,” he asked. She recognized his southern drawl immediately, she always did.

“Hey Travis!” she said light heartedly. “How have you been? Haven’t heard from you in awhile.”

“Yeah, my phone’s been down. You know they make you pay for those things,” he laughed. “So how you been girl?”

She had never mentioned any trouble in her marriage to Travis, and wasn’t sure if she should. But here she was drunk, in a good mood and was tired of keeping secrets. Jesse had been gone for over two months, and other then throwing her a good time once in a while he had made no effort to come home or even act as if he still wanted to married. As a matter of fact, he was still telling the marriage counselor that he did not wish to be married to her anymore, or anyone else for that matter.

Lyla was a beautiful woman and wanted someone to share her life with – she wanted her husband, but if he didn’t want her, than she didn’t know how long she was going to sit at home by herself. She had no idea what he did when he wasn’t there and she didn’t ask. He had made it quite clear that he didn’t answer to her anymore on any level about anything. He said that was why he did not want to live with her ever again – he was never going to worry about accounting for anything with anyone ever again.

Thinking of it like that, Lyla decided to tell Travis exactly what had been going on in her life of late. She needed a friend right now and he was always a good friend to her. “Well, in all honesty, not so good Trav. I lost my job a couple months back and haven’t been able to find another one yet. Then four days after I lost my job, Jesse left me – two days after our wedding anniversary. Right now we’re separated. He says he doesn’t want to be married to me anymore. We are in counseling, and I am holding out hope. But, not real sure what’s gonna happen going forward. Worried I might have to sell the house.”

“What?” he was shocked; he had always thought they had a great marriage, or at least that’s what she had alluded to. “Lyla, I am so sorry to hear that,” he continued, “I’m sure y’all will work it out, you’ve been together too long not to.”

She told him she agreed, but it seemed her husband did not. They talked a while about his back injury earlier in the year, and other things that had been going on in their lives. The conversation was lighthearted once she told him about her circumstances and they did not dwell on that any longer than she wanted to. Her margarita buzz had kicked in full throttle at this point and she was teasing him about something.

“Girl, if you were across the table from me right now,” Travis started, and before he could finish Lyla mockingly laughed, “What, you’d kiss me?”

Catching him considerably off guard, he said, “I’d like to Lyla, but I wouldn’t. Not as long as your married – I would never put you in a compromising position. Though having said that, not sure I’d trust myself, either. I have never told you this, but you’re the woman I measured every other against my entire life. I have never forgotten you.”

“Well, no, I never knew that,” she paused, not knowing what to say to that exactly, “though my sister did say you said something kind of cryptic to her, when she saw you at the reunion, and she wondered if that‘s what you were saying. She and I talked about it. I told her I doubted that as it has been decades and you and I didn’t date that long.”

Travis said, “Well she was right. A few made quite an impression on me, but none like you. Every other woman I had serious relationships with, had the same color of eyes as you.”

Lyla teased, to lighten the moment a little, “You don’t even know what color my eyes are,” she laughed.

Travis replied, “Oh yes I do, if memory serves me correctly, they are green. Green like pine needles that have been in sun for a day or so.”

“Damn, I am impressed that you remember that so succinctly,” she said, surprised, flattered, and touched.

Flippantly, she said, “So you have a thing for green-eyed ladies.” She was trying to be funny.

“No, Lyla, that’s not it.” He continued, “I remember many of our conversations verbatim, and that hasn’t happened to me with too many people, but I remember quite a few of ours, as if they were had yesterday.”

“Would I remember any of these conversations,” she asked.

Travis replied, “You might, if we talked about it, but I am not going to do that. Those are my memories, and under the circumstances I am not willing to share them. If things were different I might.”

Lyla laughed as she said, “Like if I was on my deathbed?”

Travis responded, “No.”

It took her a few days to figure out that he meant only if somehow they were a couple would he feel free to share those memories. Though she was ballsy and direct often, that was not a subject she would ever ask about again – she understood.

[Part 2 – Want to Dance Darlin’]

[Part 3 – Moonlight Drive]

[Part 4 – Imagining What Might Have Been]

[Part 5 – You Want To Make A Memory]

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20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. charlypriest
    Nov 15, 2014 @ 08:41:30

    The flow is great, easy read, the dialogue I thought was very good, realistic as you might say. But you got me teased here, why is she not going to ask Travis more about those conversations, is it really over?
    By the way Travis sounds like a smooth guy, I like him. Likeable character.

    And the story, I always loved how complicated is human interaction, how can they live like that loving each other yet not being together. Why does Lyla doesn´t go with Travis, I want to see that happen.

    Great little snippet of the novel Mrs or Miss. Windchimes, by the way that buddy blogger of yours he asked to read some of your work, well, he better write something good about this, it was very good I thought in my humble opinion.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. charlypriest
    Nov 15, 2014 @ 08:41:55

    P.S. What´s with the pinball machine?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Paul
    Nov 16, 2014 @ 01:45:36

    Cool post Sadie

    Like

    Reply

    • ~ Sadie ~
      Nov 17, 2014 @ 01:48:41

      Thanks Paul! I appreciate you taking the time to read it 🙂 The stuff I post on this blog is different from my other – no research really required here – which is why I like this outlet. I love doing research, but sometimes just want to write other things.

      Like

      Reply

    • ~ Sadie ~
      Dec 17, 2014 @ 06:04:39

      Paul – are you a contemporary romance reader? I’d love for you to read the other 3 parts and give me some feedback. You are a great storyteller, and I would appreciate your opinion. If it’s not your thing, I certainly understand. These excerpts are more maybe a character study of star-crossed lovers crossing paths again.

      Like

      Reply

  4. Trackback: Want to Dance, Darlin’ – Write Naked Part 2 | Windchimes and Dreamcatchers
  5. Trackback: Moonlight Drive – Write Naked Part 3 | Windchimes and Dreamcatchers
  6. Trackback: Imagining what might’ve been – Write Naked Part 4 | Windchimes and Dreamcatchers
  7. Trackback: Me & WP – One Year Now! | Just something I was thinking about . . .
  8. prior
    Dec 28, 2014 @ 18:59:16

    HI sadie – it was nice to read your fiction, because up until now I have only read your commentary stuff from your other blog. But right off the bat I must tell you that I am not a fan of fiction – especially romance fiction – maybe a good short story every now and then, but most of it is not my thing – and I also do not like reading about sexual encounters (and I noticed that sex was in the tag line) and I do not mean to sound prude – but some of the “soft porn” out there is not for me – not saying this is your writing, and well I guess there is a place for it – but getting back to this post excerpt….

    I liked the flow and I think you write dialogue well (not everyone does). I think you do a great job with setting the scene and giving us a feel for Lyla’s situation.
    Some suggestions – and I only offer these as feedback – so keep the umbrella of grace open – and they might now apply – just brainstorming the thoughts IU got when I read it.

    ~~~
    First – watch the he/she, her/him, hers/his
    And again I want to note that I am not super familiar with long fiction writing, but I do know that with short stories we remind writers to be extra clear when it comes to “who is saying what” – which means watching the pronouns and watching what is assumed. It can easily get confusing and also sometimes readers will skim and well, it sometimes helps for the author to just make sure it is extra clear – and so without losing flow, some sentences will be better is full names are used (or maybe they can be worded in a way that does not need to use she/he his/her). There is some flexibility with this, but it is a good habit to get into for clarity.
    For example:

    “She told him she agreed, but it seemed her husband did not. They talked a while about his back injury earlier in the year”

    well whose back injury are they talking about – the husband or the guy on the phone?
    And in this example:

    “Stacy was right, she needed to do some things she enjoyed, like reading.”

    who is she in that sentence – like if you read it again – it might be clear to you, but as a fresh reader it was not so clear -even though I just read it in the previous paragraph, it really does sound like Stacy is talking about doping things Stacy enjoyed….)
    it might be better worded “Lyla knew that Stacy was right when she suggested to do more enjoyable activities, like reading…” something like that.

    Also, it seemed like there were just too many he/she’s in this section (and again, I am not sure if this is the norm, but do a search for the word he and see how many get highlighted – it might be okay and it may seem knit picky – so just at least think about it… :))

    ~~~
    Second-
    this paragraph was beautiful – but the ending sentence felt disjointed and instead of bringing closure – it jumped from hearing about this great e-book to another she and then “her” getting dropped back at the house:

    After getting some food in her belly, and over half that margarita, she began to feel a little better. Stacy was right, she needed to do some things she enjoyed, like reading. She had several good books she could get lost in, and she planned to start one tonight once she got home. “The Astronauts’ Wives Club” was waiting for her on her nightstand – she had downloaded it to her e-reader a month or so back. Now that she was feeling semi-human again, Stacy paid the bill and dropped her back at the house.

    I would take off that last sentence and place it all alone – or at the start of a different paragraph. And a better ending to that little paragraph might have noted something about diving into that book – or just be more clear about who feels human…. I think you refer to Lyla – but it sound alike Stacy… I dunno 🙂

    ~~~
    Third

    punctuation:
    question mark here:
    “Hey baby! How the heck are you,”

    “started to cry right there at their table”

    ~~~
    I like your style — like how she goes right into calling him Trav – shows the closeness – and when you note ” She was trying to be funny” – that clarifies –

    On a personal note, I like how you wrote this:
    “he was never going to worry about accounting for anything with anyone ever again”
    liked that because I think a lot of readers will relate to it – and also cos that is how my mom felt when she left my dad – funny how a bad marriage can make a person feel like all relationships will be a “time clock kinda check in” – and the way you noted that piqued my interest (albeit it is still not my genre… 😉 )

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. ~ Sadie ~
    Dec 29, 2014 @ 03:18:38

    OMG Yvette – I am laughing because you totally nailed one of my weaknesses when I am just free writing, especially under time constraints . . . pronouns, & I noticed it as I was just re-reading before I read your comments. That part definitely needs some editing work! I love and agree with all your comments – complementary & constructive criticism – thank you so much for reading and taking the time to provide the critique 🙂 No one else has really read any of this novel that I have been working on, except what I have shared here – no one in my family & friends circle, with the exception of one person that follows this blog. I am so honored you took the time & hope you want to read the other 3 parts of this series – as I value your opinion. There is no sex in these & only a few of my other W&D posts have any sexual encounters & they aren’t expressly graphic – but they do include Lyla. I have some earlier chapters of Lyla’s life I wrote about in college that include sex scenes, that’s where she originated – and though I am considering weaving them all together, I didn’t use any of those for this year’s NaNoWriMo, nor any of these excerpts. (Oh & you don’t sound prude – everybody has different tastes!) And maybe I need to look at my tag lines again.
    Thanks again Yvette!! I am so honored you took the time today ❤

    Like

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  10. Trackback: You Want To Make A Memory – Write Naked Part 5 | Windchimes and Dreamcatchers
  11. Trackback: Just Talking – Write Naked Part 6 | Windchimes and Dreamcatchers

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© ~ Sadie ~ and Windchimes and Dreamcatchers, 2013-2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to ~ Sadie ~ and Windchimes and Dreamcatchers with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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